From where I stand

The chaotic yet beautiful endeavors of a freeing spirit

Month: August, 2013

deception

Emptiness is something no one can feel. It is not an emotion but a state of being. At any given time an individual can claim to feel empty though there is too much going on inside one’s mind to be in that state.

Loneliness. Unpleasant emotions of isolation or lack of companionship. How can one feel so isolated when surrounded by ‘loving’ family, friends, acquaintances that want nothing but the best for you?

When someone has given you something you didn’t even think existed in this world love and it was snatched away so carelessly, there is nothing more you thrive for in a day.

No matter how many emotions you suppress or how many emotions you experience evoked by other things. When you’re curled up on your bed with nothing but a hot mug of tea and a buzz of music you once listened to together, there is nothing that can equate to the absolute high he gave you.

You tell yourself that it’s not the end of the world. Night after night it feels like the walls are closing in. You smile and appreciate the good things in life.

Then, you slip from reality, and once again you are empty and lonely.

invisible

as i sit here surrounded by the people i call my friends i question whether they see me or not. whether if i stood up and walked away they would realise that my patch of grass is empty or not.

as they cackle at shallow gossip and reminisce over moments that don’t include my presence, i continue to drift from them; every moment saddening my ever-breaking heart.

im questioning their depth only as i’ve plummeted deep into the corners of my own mind, begging for someone to notice that im functioning on a distant wavelength.

i look to the sky and observe the clouds, with them they bring heavy rainfall to wash away the marks left behind.

after the rain, i’ll start again.

with spring, comes a new beginning

it’s hard to start afresh.

it almost feels like you have to say goodbye to what you’ve had in the past to be able to move on to something new. something a friend of mine once said to me when i mentioned that, is that the end of a book isn’t necessarily the end of a story. here i’m starting my new book but i’m continuing to write my story, my way, from my perspective. 

starting a public diary has been possibly the most difficult decision to make. to show my deepest thoughts to the public eye. so for now, i shall remain anonymous. 

every day when i rise with the sun, i try to tell myself how lucky i am to live in a world so good as ours. every day offers new opportunities and shows us exactly why it’s worth living.

this beginning for me is about appreciation. this is the start of a new chapter in my book, appreciating the little things, the big things and exploring every fogged thought in my mind.

Image

thank you for reading my first post. together we can experience this new chapter of my life.